Current mood:

frustrated

Something's not working (besides just me)
I don't want to stop reading fic, but I think I need to. I've gotten into this rut where I read, start to leave a comment, wonder what I could possibly say that isn't exactly the same thing I said for the last three things by the author, leave the tab open to remind myself, and never finish. The sad thing is, even though that makes for a wonderful "supposed-to-be-doing" thing, it doesn't seem to motivate me to write. It's like writing is my supposed-to-be and I end up spending my time mucking around with games and guilt.

I also decided to take FFR off my friends page because honestly? I'm sick of all the stupidity on display and I'm tired of the badmouthing and I think it's making me paranoid. I'm scared enough of my own reaction to my work; I don't need to add fear of other people's to the mix. I've got about 500 words of alt-S3 written and I stopped because I was afraid I couldn't do verbal justice to the image and the implications in my mind. Normally, I'd have been mulling it over in the shower, rephrasing again and again until it was right. But no; my brain has been abnormally and unpleasantly blank at all my usual mulling times for over a month now. It's like it thinks it has something better to do. That's just bullshit, and it's got to stop.

Negativity is the enemy. What I really need to do is attack it rather than avoid it, because avoiding is part of the damn problem. But if I have to avoid the battles I don't feel up to fighting yet, so be it. Just as long as I actually find a way to fight them once the baby demons are nicely vanquished. (Heh, baby demons...makes me want to go finish the damn game in one huge marathon so it won't tempt me anymore. Focus, hon, focus.)

Also, I need to demand my S1 DVDs back from my parents because they said last night the TV's actually not connected to any aux input. (You'd think they could've mentioned that when I initiated the loan at Thanksgiving.) And I need to trade my in-laws something for the use of their S2 recordings so I don't feel guilty for streaming. Gotta reconnect with canon, stat. It damn well better help.